Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Danger Of The "True Forced Loneliness" Movement

When madman George Sodini went on a murderous rampage at a fitness center, many Americans were shocked at the motive. Sodini was a sexually frustrated, socially inept man whose pent-up anger blew over in the form of shooting innocent women. The concerning thing about Sodini is that he is not alone.

There is a movement called True Forced Loneliness (TFL) making the rounds on YouTube. The proponents of TFL claim that they are being forced to be lonely because of society's judgmental culture of high expectations in courtship. This, in turn, causes men to be left without mates.

There are many problems with this theory, but first, any look at a TFL proponent will yield instantaneous evidence as to why they are alone in the first place. Let's take Dwayne Holloway, the verbose spokesperson of TFL on YouTube. Dwayne is an articulate yet morbidly obese, and off-kilter man who is at a loss as to why women don't give him the time of day. When people point out the superficial reasons he falls short in the dating game, Dwayne is angrily adamant that his appearance "should not matter" in his search for mate.

Dwayne and the other TFL followers tend to exhibit fundamental misunderstandings (or dismissals) of human nature. But all that aside, the undercurrent of TFL is that violence, a la George Sodini, is the natural consequence of rejecting men who feel they should not be rejected. Therein lies the dangerous powderkeg of TFL.
If you peruse the TFL commentaries on the George Sodini murders, the recurring theme is that they "understand" why he did it. Even though they pepper their commentary with how they do not condone the murders (gee thanks), the sentiment is barely under the surface.

Moreover, I recently examined the TFL website and was shocked to discover a photo of the murdered Asia McGowan scrolling across the screen. McGowan was shot by a mentally disturbed YouTube personality, Anthony Powell, who grew distressed when McGowan did not reciprocate his feelings for her. Powell then shot himself. It was later discovered that Powell suffered from mental illness for many years.

The TFL crowd reveres Powell as a patron saint and they feature a video of McGowan in a thinly disguised warning masquerading as a "memorial" to her.

Folks, these guys are DANGEROUS. Expect to hear about this TFL thing in the news; and remember, you heard it here first.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Travel Abroad Advice for Aspiring Expats

Anthony Bourdain, for all of his sarcasm, is a guy whose travel mode resembles my own. For all you guys who wish to spend a lot of time overseas exploring all that is not available in the USA, I hope this can prompt you into planning your first trip. Below is my travel advice that I posted on another forum recently. I hope you find it helpful:

Financial Considerations

Yes, your trip will cost some money so you should begin budgeting for travel, lodging, food, and entertainment. For you young men, you should save your money for a once a year or once every 2 years trip to a different country than you have been to before. Don't buy that new laptop, iPhone, or Blackberry. Safe the money for your exploratory trips!

For unmarried middle aged men, it is far easier for you to travel 4 times a year when you are single with no kids. Your savings and salaries are generally higher at that point in life.

Where Should You Travel

You should travel to the poorest countries that have the women you find most attractive. Even if your visit to that country ends up that you do not like that country, odds are a neighboring country to that one might suit you far better. For example, I thought I would like Bulgaria, but a visit there proved to be lackluster for me. I then took the 30 minute flight to neighboring Romania and had an absolute blast of a time!

If you stay in the capital cities first, you will find many people who speak English very well. Many of the smaller towns have English speakers in this age of the internet and cable TV programming from the US.

Strike up conversations with some hotel clerks, bartenders, waitresses, or others. Most people are very open to interacting with Americans since they likely never met one in person. These people can be valuable resources as to where to eat, stay, hang-out, and where to avoid.

Countries And Travel Plans To Avoid

My man from summed it up when he wrote that you should avoid......

Pretty much all Western Europe, particularly London, Paris, Amsterdam, and other large cities.

Places that are heavily promoted in the West as vacation spots: Negril, Jamaica, Cancun, Cabo, Mexico, etc. At these places you are mostly going to meet American and European tourists and local prostitutes.

Avoid "resorts" and "cruises" ("expensive, rip off centers of cheesy boredom" is a good description I heard). "Singles cruises" and "singles trips" are the worst; you'll be spending time with spoiled aging American women looking for a quick lay or a "provider".

How You Should Dress

When traveling abroad, you should not even bring sneakers unless you like to jog regularly. Bring nice looking walking shoes that can go well with shorts in the day time, and with jeans and a blazer at night. Think Clarks or Rockport type shoes. Shoes bring the air of sophistication and women respond well to that. A cheap blazer with a t-shirt and jeans make you a possible rich man in the eyes of all the ladies. Save the oversized hip hop gear for back home or your little brother.

Don't wear rings and watches in the street at night. I do wear them but I put them on in the restroom after I arrive at clubs and bars, them remove them and place them in the blazer pockets when I leave. This deters crime and makes you less of a target for jealous local men.

Emergency Considerations
Leave most of your cash, most of your credit cards, and your passport in the hotel locked in a safe or in your luggage. If you are robbed, you don't want to be left without options for money. Only walk around with a copy of your passport on your person.

If you are sick, in trouble or you lose a passport, each US Embassy has an American Citizen Services section that will help you out with loans, temporary passport documents, or hospital/jail visits if it comes to that. Always have their number handy and register online with the State Department so they can assist you in a disaster by knowing you are in country:

Your Most Likely Enemies Abroad

Be pleasant, but trust no one, especially men, in another country. Everyone will be curious, but curious about how to dupe you. Don't get into cars with new "friends," don't flash money around, and don't ever trust a cab driver. Always insist on the fare before the cab ride or they will pump up the price without a meter. Cab drivers are the WORST.

Women who are too friendly are likely prostitutes or opportunists. Never listen to their sob stories and loan them money. Most women who are interested in you from poor countries will offer to pay for some or all of drinks, dinner, et cetera. Don't be a dupe.

When The Travel Bug Bites
After a 1 to 3 trips to different regions, you will be a pro and you will crave the time when your next trip begins. When you get a taste of being treated as an equal human being, as attractive human being from pretty women, and as the man that you are, you will have been bitten by the bug!

If You Happen To Meet The Lady Of Your Dreams

You will likely meet women you would have never dreamed of in short measure. Don't lose your head. Try to meet a plan B, a plan C, et cetera. Don't propose and don't start planning to bring her to America. Make it clear from the start that you would rather settle down there and start a family with her. Whatever you do, do not marry! It is better to shack up with a lady, have kids and live happily ever after. Marriage impedes your ability to just cut and run if you ever need to do so.

The Goal

Initially you will simply be enjoying your adventure and new life experience. But your goal should be to find the place or places that you want to retire or live in (unmarried) with your young woman and any kids you might have with her. I know several men living with their women abroad who plan to do so till the very end. It's a great idea and one that I will embark upon at age 50 as soon as the pension kicks in!

Get planning and get going. There is more advice on the forum from people like Winston Wu and Ladislav who legendary expat experts.